Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus's Worst Of Both Worlds Concert Cash Cow/Tour

Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus/Disney's latest cash cow, is god reincarnated among the little girls. Whatever Miley does, the little girls follow. If it has Miley's face on it, I swear upon George Carlin's dead body that it will sell out fast. Did I also mention her face is on just about... EVERYTHING! She has a comforter/bed set, a fruit snack, costumes, purses, countless DVD's of her show, dolls, school supplies, and T-shirts/pajamas. All we need now is a Hannah Montana toilet paper brand and we can say her face is on everything.

Disney (a.k.a Miley's sugar daddy) and HSM director/choreographer Kenny Ortega decided to make a 3D film featuring her concert "Best of Both Worlds" featuring The Jonas Brothers (Disney's other cash cow). What follows was a "one-week once-in-a-lifetime event" (read: normal, really, really, expensive short movie) that all the little girls went/are still going crazy over.

"Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour" gives Miley Cyrus's show along with some 2D behind the scenes material to let the kids' voices rest and for the parents to either sneak out or give relief to the present adults ears/head. Here's a simple outline.

Opening titles. Songs. Behind The Scenes. Songs. Behind The Scenes. Here come J-Bros. Behind The Scenes. Miley and J-Bros perform. J-Bros leave. Miley performs. Behind the scenes. Miley performs "Best of Both Worlds". Kids scream like hell. End Credits. Adults sigh and everyone leaves.

I went into this, thinking it was going to be a huge waste of time, mainly because of the fact that I was expecting poor production values, crappy 3Dm and songs which would make me pierce my ears out (to this moment, I have only heard "See You Again" from Cyrus).

To my surprise, it was not a terrible movie. I don't know if anyone out there would consider this a movie due to its length, but it is suitable for its target audience.(If it gets an MPAA rating and/or is longer than 60 minutes, its a movie.) The 3D isn't mind blowing awesome, but it does its job in a cheesy and gimmicky way.
Cyrus, in complete surprise to me, is able to relay her onstage energy to a screen in such a way to keep kids happy.

In reality, "Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour" is another concert film that doesn't do anything out of the ordinary. Whether you find this film enjoyable comes down to one thing; are you a Miley Cyrus fan or not? (Or, are you 14 or younger?). If yes, this film is for you. If not, just keep walking.

I saw this on Disney the other night, and I was fine and content with how I viewed it. On the other hand, there is no way in hell I would have paid $15+ to see it in theater. (Then again, I'm not a 13-year-old girl infatuated with Joe Jonas)

With its release on DVD, Miley-ettes can experience their favorite triple threat pop star whenever and possibly wherever. Just don't expect me to be in line to buy tickets at the next time she tours with Hannah Montana fruit snacks.

Rating: C-
Star Rating: **1/2 out ****

PROS
+ Surprisingly Pretty Average Concert film
+ 3D works in a gimmicky way
+ It's Short
+ I didn't have to waste $15+ dollars to see it

CONS
- For Miley Cyrus/Jonas Fans only
- Doesn't do anything new or notable

Recommendation: Either go watch music videos of your favorite band, or just do something else. Not worth wasting your afternoon over.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Awesome

Seinfeld versus Newman. Rosie O' Donnell versus Donald Trump. Kathy Griffin versus The View. All of these are famous well known rivalries. Yes, you may be thinking to your self, "I know that, so what?". Well, through superb filmmaking by director Seth Gordon brings a new memorable rivalry to the table; hot sauce mogul and Video Game champ Billy Mitchell versus Boeing employee turned middle school science teacher, always in second Steve Wiebe.

"The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" tells the story of the rivalry between Mitchell and Steve for the world record in the classic Donkey Kong. Mitchell, the poster child/referee for the video game high score agency, Twin Galaxies, is considered by most the greatest classic gamer of the 20th century. He is also strongly believes at self promotion, makes everything work better on his end, and considers his gaming feats to be his greatest accomplishment, next to his family.

Wiebe, on the other hand, is a stay-at-home dad. Recently laid off from Boeing, he is currently going to night school to get a teacher's degree and bought a Donkey Kong machine to keep himself entertained. Many people, including Weibe's wife, Nicole, state that Wiebe has never gone after anything huge despite his proficiency in numerous subject areas.

The story starts when Wiebe breaks Mitchell's record for Donkey Kong. He sends it to Twin Galaxies via videotape, for evidence and verification. They originally accept it, until Mitchell sends banker-turned-pro-gamer/acoylote Brian Kuh to investigate the machine. Kuh discovers that part of the game machine was supplied by Roy "Mr. Awesome" Shildt. Shildt, unbeknown to Wiebe, has been placed underfire by Mitchell ever since his score on Missile Command. Based upon that, Wiebe's score is removed from the list and replaced with Mitchell's score.

On recommendation of Mitchell that he break the record in a prominent public location, he heads off to Funspot Arcade in Laconia, NH. What follows is Wiebe trying to challege Mitchell to a public competition.

"King of Kong" at first seems (to the non-gamer) unattractive. The production values at times are poor, and some may not buy into the quirkiness.

The film though really shines once it gets rolling. Director Seth Gordon manages to perfectly craft a story that is engrossing even to non-gamers without being over-arresting. It's funny, but at no-one's expense. It's informative without turning into an information piece. It's surprisingly suspenseful without becoming a thriller.

In a way, "King of Kong" is an update of those famous school-yard showdowns, only updated with 80's gaming and grown men.

Granted, the film doesn't give all the facts. (For instance, Tim Sczerby held the record of 879,200 points before Wiebe took the record) In most documentaries, cutting facts is often looked down upon. In "King of Kong" though, the "literary license" though makes the film much clearer and much, much more entertaining.

Overall, "King of Kong" is perfection. In a world of serious Iraqi war docs, this one stands out. In a way, it can be compared to the success of 2006's entertaining, but at times slow "Wordplay". It didn't try to preach a message or change the way the people think. It showed the publicly-known, but little seen world of Crosswords. "King of Kong" does what Wordplay did, but only much, much more entertaining.

Rating: A+
Star Rating: **** out of ****

PROS
+ Well-Direction by Seth Gordon
+ Funny
+ Engrossing and Entertaining
+ Surprisingly Informative

CONS
*Some may turned off by poor production values

Recommendation: See this. Need I say more?

Get Smart suprisingly Smart

Usually, TV on the big screen does not work. To those who do not believe me, some examples of "big screen TV" that does not work include the live action Flintstones movies (especially "Viva Rock Vegas" with Mark Addy), or 1996's Mr. Magoo. On the other hand, "big screen TV" that worked surprisingly well include Firefly (from "Serenity"), and especially the 1993 Best Picture nominee "The Fugitive" with Harrison Ford (a.k.a Indiana Jones, Han Solo, you get the idea). The next TV adaptation to hit the big screen is the 1965 Mel Brooks comedy, Get Smart. While it isn't exactly on par with "The Fugitive", its far, FAR better than "The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas".

The plot involves Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) the top analyst for secret organization, CONTROL. He has big dreams on becoming a field agent, like his idol, Agent 23 (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson). Although he scored high on his tests, The Chief (Little Miss Sunshine's Alan Arkin) refuses to promote Max because of the fact that his work is too valuable to the agency. The tables turn, though, when CONTROL's arch-enemy KAOS attacks attacks their headquarters. With all of their field agents' identities exposed (and dead), Max is promoted to Agent 86 and is teamed up with Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway). The two then head off to Russia to find out how KAOS got in control of the nuclear weapons and to find Siegfried (Terrence Stamp) who leads this organization.

Before I go any farther with this review, I have not seen the original series. It is definitely on my radar to watch, but I have not seen it yet.

The main issue with Get Smart is that too many jokes fall flat. Although there is some wit within the jokes, just too many of them are generic bodily humor or sight gags that have been used too much. On top of that, the plot is forgettable (and at times, absent) and starts slow (concerning action sequences)

Despite those few flaws, Get Smart is surprisingly very entertaining. The final twenty minutes and first ten minutes are the best moments within the film, and the performances definitely are strongest part of this film. The entire cast seems fit to the roles perfectly, and they seem to put their heart and soul (cliche count: 1) into the feature.

Concerning the chemistry between Hathaway and Carell, I say I found it quite sexy. Why? I have no clue, but it probably has to do with the fact that all the actors (incuding Hathaway and Carell) seem to play off each other well.

Despite its flaws and 100 minute run time, I enjoyed Get Smart thoroughly. It's the type of film that's meant to be enjoyed in a air-conditioned theater. Concerning back to the main topic of "big screen TV", Get Smart probably ranks around (in quality) near last summer's "The Simpsons Movie". It's very entertaining, but its definitely not winning any Oscars any time soon.

Rating: B
Star Rating: *** out of ****

PROS
+ Great Performaces
+ First 10/Last 20 minutes Really Good
+ Mostly Funny
+ Very Entertaining

CONS
- Plot is weak and absent
- Some action sequences dull
- Some generic/unfunny jokes

Recommendation: For classic action-spy-comedy, "True Lies" with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis is a good pick

Wal-Mart: High Cost of Low Price - My Ass

Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussain, H. Lee Scott. What do all of these people have in common? They have some sort of hand in oppression. Hitler oppressed the Jews, Hussain oppressed the country of Iraq, and H. Lee Scott is oppressing the low-wage workers of America with an institution called Wal-Mart. But how is this company hurting Americans? The film "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price" tries to be the valiant knight in Shining Armor, but sadly, that armor needs more polish.

The film hits upon numerous issues within its 90 minute run time. It starts off with the shut down of the good ole mom and pop stores by featuring a hardware store ran by the Hunter family that was shut down upon the arrival of a Wal-Mart. The issue comes up later in the film my showing how the Esry family was robbed of their long running grocery store by the arrival of guess who... Wal-Mart.

The film also addresses the woes of the employees working at Wal-Mart. It shows numerous employees (both ex-employees and current) who complain of the low wages, long work hours, and the lack of trust. It also goes on to how Wal-Mart keeps being able to keep its prices low by the use of anti-union propaganda and anti-union teams.

Along with all that, it hits on how they hurt the environment, the sweatshops in China, the crimes around Wal-Mart parking lots, and how everyone fought "the man" and stopped Wal-Mart from conquering their town.

To briefly address the issue concerning Wal-Mart, I feel that Wal-Mart brings jobs and keeps most of them in-state, but they honestly need to treat their employees better.

The film, although noble in its efforts, is a sad excuse for a documentary, let alone a poor excuse for indie filmmaking. The quality of the camera is not the best, but it does suffice enough for this film. The film also manages to jump around way too much from one subject to another instead of focusing on one topic.

What ruins the film though is the film's conclusion. Instead on ending on a summary of the film's points, it ends with a list of stopped Wal-Marts and the burning words "Victory!" flashing on screen. Credits then roll. This takes away any passion or satisfaction that film has conjured up.

Even though his intent is probably well meant by making it available online for free, Director Robert Greenwald ("Xanadu","Breaking Up") fails to make a lasting impression. The severe huge issue that comes is that he does not allow the viewer to think for themselves. Greenwald simply put tells the viewer (through talking head interviews, a bad comic segment, poor use of graphical diagrams) that Wal-Mart is evil and that it needs to be stopped.

A good documentary can have an opinion, but lets the viewer think for themselves and decide on what they feel. Wal-Mart: HCLP informs on the evil of Wal-Mart, but does not give the viewer the ability to find the opinion themselves.

Rating: C-
Star Rating: ** out of ****

PROS
+ Brings up Important Issues
+ Shows Dark Issues Caused By Wal-Mart
+ Available for free viewing

CONS
- Too Biased
- Horrible Editing
- Felt out of order
- Does Not Let The Viewer Think For Themselves
- Concludes Terribly

Not Rated by MPAA.
Run Time: 97 min.

RECOMMENDATION: MSNBC produced a Documentary called "The Age of Wal-Mart" which gives a more comprehensive view on Wal-Mart and its outcomes.

Things I Could Have Done Instead:

• Got a Job at Wal-Mart
• Protest Wal-Mart
• Smuggle Mexicans into the Country
• Try and start a labor union for Wal-Mart workers
• Start a Supermarket - RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM WAL-MART

Evan Not-so-Almighty

If there is one type of film I hate, its the films about religion. These are the films that usually contain the moral about how you must accept Jesus in your life to be saved and that the world is evil. "Evan Almighty", despite an all-star cast, is just as bad as those films with its message about how we need to follow God's will and such.

The plot really needs no explanation, but to those who basically live under a rock and not seen the COUNTLESS retelling of this story, this is what happens. God (Morgan Freeman) tells Anchorman-turned-Congressman Evan Baxter (funnyman Steve Carell) to build an ark. Everyone, including his wife (Lauren Graham), Wanda Sykes, Jonah Hill, and John Goodman, all tell him not to. "Hilarity" and preachy-ness ensue.

The one thing that this film does right is casting. The entire cast manages to make this film remotely enjoyable.

I will also give this film credit for being family friendly. This film is definitely in the PG range.

That does not excuse this film for its lack of actual humor and its extremely preachy and way too many morals and themes. If you were to count the number of morals (environmental, following God's will, being kind to everyone, the importance of family, crooked government, how to dance, and so on), you'd probably have enough morals to run 3 Live Aids. On top of that, they make sure that you know these morals by shoving it down your throat, especially with the final five minutes which really beat in the God's will moral.

On a side note, the director, Tom Shadyac, has been known to make his films preachy (Bruce Almighty, Chuck and Larry (which he only produced)) and it ruins the credibility and the enjoyment factor.

The other part is that this film is just a collection of animal poop jokes, pop culture references, physical and groin jokes. This type of humor gets old fast and relies way too much on the cast. In fact, out of the two or three times I chuckled, it was mainly because of the actors, not of the script.

I first saw Evan Almighty at a free screening last June. At the end, everyone gave it a rousing applause. I don't know whether it was because of the fact that they did not pay any money to see it, or whether the credits were funny. Granted, I have nothing against family-friendly films. Sadly, most of these films are utter crap and have no value what so ever. If that is the case, than Evan Almighty stands as the poster child for those kind of films

Rating: D
Star Rating: ** out of ****

Pros
+ The casting is perfect
+ The special effects are somewhat impressive
+ It's family friendly

Cons
- It's not that funny
- Way, Way, WAY too preachy (bible-humping)
- Horribly written
- Relies way too much on tired humor

Recommendation: Only choose this if the other choice for the evening was "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium".

Things I Could Have Done Instead:

• Studied British Literature
• Read Crime and Punishment
• Discovered the meaning of life
• Wrote an Oscar Speech
• Danced a Better Dance
  

Camp Rock - or Not

In January 2006, Disney released a small movie called "High School Musical". It featured the talents of Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, and Corbin Bleu. Claiming to be adapted from Romeo & Juliet, it had the simple message telling you to be true to yourself and to "Get'cha Head in the Game". This little film became a nationwide sensation that led to a sequel, numerous merchandise, and currently has a major motion picture due out in the fall and a reality series later this summer. Disney, looking to repeat their success, recruit the Jonas Brothers for "Camp Rock", their latest musical/cash cow.

"Camp Rock" really stars Demi Lovado as Mitchie Torres, an aspiring pop singer who has a super-awesome (read: passable) singing voice who wants more than anything to go to Camp Rock. Sadly, Mommy and Daddy can't afford to send her to Camp Rock, unless Mommy takes a job as a cook and that she can attend classes as long as she helps her between classes. At the same time, the pop band Connect Three is having some "disagreements with their lead singer" (read:he's getting everyone Hulk-angry) Shane Gray (played by Joe Jonas), so they send him to teach at their uncle's camp, which is Camp Rock.

Poor-girl, but aspiring pop-singer Mitchie begins to make friends with mean girl Tess Tyler (Meaghan Jette Martin) and her lackeys. As time goes on at Camp Rock, Mitchie sings some song about who she is. Shane overhears this and he spends the whole movie teaching classes in which he should, in reality, have no experience in and being really mean/really sweet to Mitchie.

Before I continue with my review, let me tell everyone about me watching High School Musical. I watched it for ten minutes, thought it was stupid, and changed the channel. Next day, everybody was talking about it.

When Camp Rock was coming on, I figured I might as well watch it because everyone is going to be talking about it and I might as well know what they were talking about.

That would be a decision I would regret for the rest of the night.

Camp Rock's plot makes no sense. Between all the lying, food fighting, bad acting, and evil Mean Girl-ness. The actual plot gets lost within all this, also making any moral this had lost within the film as well.

With that being said, what most of the girls do in this film (including Mitchie and her "friend" Caitlyn.) are things which exactly mimic those of girls from Laguna Beach. I have no problem with characters acting this way when needed, but it makes the film feel like a huge version of The Hills: Summer Camp Edition.

All of the performances were either horrible and/or forced. Most of what the adults say things which I know adults would never say in reality. Joe Jonas' character seems to have a dual personality that is really nice/really mean. Lovato gives a somewhat convincing performance, but what this film comes down to is the songs. The songs range from the pointless ("Play My Music") to the catchy ("We Rock").

To be nice (and to not get Jonas fans hate-mail/death threats), I did enjoy the tidbits with the other two Jonas Brothers who appear in and out as the other band members. Their segments reminded me of the old cult favorite TV show "The Monkees".

I will admit as well that most of the songs are hideously catchy and if Alyson Stoner does look kinda cute if she was not 14 years old in reality. (Not in a "To Catch a Predator" way). And most of the characters are somewhat likable.

Still, Camp Rock does not rock. Granted, the (lack of a) storyline is not the reason why kids will watch this. They will watch this huge piece of crap just because of the Jonas Brothers and that Disney made this just to rack in the moolah, hoping that this is the next HSM.

Well, I'll tell you why High School Musical was such a hit. Its because of the fact that Disney did not shove it down their throats. It's because they discovered it on their own. So tell that to your Jonas gods!

Rating:D- (This is already generous enough)
Star Rating: *1/2 out of ****

Pros
+ It's only 90 minutes
+ The other Jonas Brothers are actually entertaining
+ The Songs Are hideously catchy
+ Alyson Stoner is kinda cute in this
+ I did not pay to see this

Cons
- Crap script/plot
- Unclear morals
- Kids act like they are in the Hills
- Two Hours of my life I'll never get back
- Some Bad Acting
- There is a sequel in the works
- I'll be hearing "Play My Music" for the next four months

Recommendation: I would only watch this if I was vomiting over the bed, with nothing else to do but stare at the ceiling.

Things I could have done instead:

• Made babies with Kathy Griffin
• Done homework
• Watched the Hills
• Get Slapped With A Chainsaw
• Watched "Deck The Halls"
  

Star Wreck: In The Pirkinning

Admit it or not, going to the movies in this day and age is expensive. First, you got to go to the theater, which requires getting their by use of car (which requires the ever-expensive gasoline). Then, you have to pay up to 40 dollars just to get in to the movie. When you think you escaped, you also have to buy food (who goes to the movies and not buys popcorn and soda?). And after all that, the movie is utterly horrendous. I mean it makes films like "The Pacifier" look like "Casablanca"! Don't you wish that you can skip all the lines, waiting, and costs just to view an original movie? "Star Wreck: In The Pirkinning" may be for you.

Star Wreck: In The Pirkinning (or SW for short) is the 7th film (and first independently-produced Finnish-feature film) in the Star Wreck series. The series is basically a black comedy that deals with plot revolving around sight gags and pop-culture references similar to those in "Airplane". It is also a spoof of the Star Trek and Babylon 5 series.

The plot revolves around Captain James B. Pirk (Samuli Torssonen), Commander Dwarf (Timo Vuorensola), and Commander Info (Antti Satama) with them stranded on Earth during the turn-of-the-millennium. They realize that the timeline is basically screwed up, so Pirk takes matters into his own hands. What follows is a never-ending flow of jokes, involving play on words, sight gags, and mainly spoof of sci-fi series Star Trek and Babylon 5.

Granted, when reading the line (first independently-produced Finnish-feature film), the first word that comes to mind is probably not "quality". Surprisingly, SW gives special effects that can rival the special effects of some films today (*cough* Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium *cough*). Not does it look good, but the humor is actually both original and funny.

Sadly, there are a few major issues with SW. The biggest one, though, is the fact that the action sequences are dragged out way too long. There are times when you wonder when the sequence will end, and the worst part is that the final twenty minutes of the movie is just one long action sequence. Another problem is that some of the jokes are lost in translation, mainly due to the fact that the film's language is Finnish (there are English subtitles) though Also, I found the plot of the film to be confusing and nonsensical.

There is one thing though about this film that makes it truly wonderful: This movie is the love child of everyone who made it. All the actors, editors, writers, etc. worked without pay, it was produced by five friends in a two-room apartment, and that you can view and download this film, online, for FREE! You can by a DVD version for about 10 dollars, but the fact that they are making this free shows you how committed they are to the art form of film making.

Despite some major weaknesses, Star Wreck: In The Pirkinning could possibly compete with most sci-fi and comedy films today, thanks to its commitment by the cast and crew and its original script.

Although Star Wreck has no MPAA rating, it contains Pervasive Strong Language, Fantasy/Comic violence, Consumption of Alcohol and some sex humor and references.
Not recommended for anyone under 17.

Rating: B+
Star Rating: *** out of ****

Pros
+ Superb Special Effects
+ Great Jokes/Humor
+ Very Original
+ FREE
+ Definitely made with love and passion

Cons
- Weak plot
- Select Action sequences way too long
- Some jokes lost in translation

Recommendation: Definitely view this if you are a Star Wars or Babylon 5. Think about checking it out if you are a fan of spoof films such as "Airplane".